Relationships are something we seem to crave, want and need in our lives.

Relationships are something we seem to crave, want and need in our lives.

And so often, we look for them outside of ourselves. From someone else.

There can be this inner longing for something to fulfil a place within us that feels empty.

Sometimes we receive that from our immediate family. Maybe it’s the praise you were given when you did well at school, or later in your career. Maybe it’s the love you received from your parents, siblings or other people close to you.

Sometimes it’s the pat on the back when you’ve achieved something.

The celebration on your birthday.

The gift.

The reward.

Being told you’ve done well.

Being acknowledged for who you are or what you’ve achieved.

And yet, underneath all of that, there can still be this empty place inside of us that wants more.

It doesn’t seem to matter how much love we’ve been given, how much praise we receive, how many gifts we’re given, how successful we become, how much money we earn or how much other people acknowledge us.

There can still be something inside saying:

More.

And perhaps this is where so much of our suffering begins.

Because we keep trying to fill something inside of ourselves with something outside of ourselves.

Another person.

Another relationship.

Another achievement.

Another experience.

Another thing that makes us feel good.

And none of it seems to last.

Some people attend workshop after workshop trying to find it.

Some go through relationship after relationship.

Others turn to alcohol, drugs, food, sex, money, success or anything else that gives them that momentary feeling of being complete.

It’s that bliss.

That euphoria.

That moment when everything feels okay.

And then it passes.

And there it is again.

That empty place.

So what do we do about it?

How do we fulfil something within ourselves if nobody and nothing outside of us can actually do it for us?

Perhaps the first question is:

Have you ever really looked at what feels empty inside of you?

Not tried to change it.

Not tried to heal it.

Not tried to fix it.

Not tried to cover it up with something else.

But actually stopped and looked at it.

What is missing?

What does this emptiness feel like?

Where is it?

What is this hollow piece of you that seems to need something continually added to it in order for you to feel whole?

For some people, religion fills that place. For others it might be spiritual groups, ceremonies, retreats, workshops or communities where we connect with people who believe and experience similar things.

And for a while, we feel full again.

You go to church.

You go to the meeting.

You attend the workshop.

You have the experience.

You feel connected.

You feel wonderful.

You feel topped up.

Until you don’t.

And then you need to go back.

I know this because I tried so many of these things myself.

I explored those avenues. I looked outside of myself. I searched for answers. And many of those experiences gave me something.

But for me, they were temporary.

Until one day, I stopped.

And instead of looking for something else to fill that empty place, I decided I was going to find out what it actually was.

I was going to look at who I was in my totality.

Not the person I thought I was.

Not the person other people told me I was.

Not my achievements, my relationships, my roles, my history or the story I had created about myself.

I wanted to go right down to the very cell of my being and ask:

Who am I?

And what is this empty place inside of me that I have spent so much of my life trying to fill?