Wanting To Be Comforted - Why?

Why We Don’t Always Need to Fix People: The Power of Presence

Our First Instinct: Fixing What Feels Broken

We all want to help the people we care about. When a friend is upset, our first instinct is often to jump in with comfort, advice, or even a hug. But here’s a powerful truth that’s often overlooked:

Sometimes, people don’t need us to fix anything. They just need space to feel what they’re feeling.

Redefining What It Means to Be Supportive

We’re conditioned to think that being supportive means doing something: offering advice, taking sides, offering solutions, or providing a shoulder to cry on. And while there are moments when that’s needed, there are also moments when all someone really needs is for us to sit with them, quietly and fully present.

Imagine this:

Someone is crying. They’re going through a personal storm. And instead of trying to make it better, you simply sit beside them. You don’t speak. You don’t touch. You don’t tell them how to feel or what to do. You simply Be..

The Quiet Strength of Presence

That’s empathy. That’s presence.

It can feel cold to not intervene, especially when someone is hurting. But comfort doesn’t always have to look like comforting. Sometimes, it pulls the person out of their own emotional process. We think a hug will soothe them. We offer suggestions. We try to find solutions. Often times it is to comfort ourselves.

But what if they’re not ready to be soothed? What if what they really need is to just feel what’s there?

The Case for Letting People Feel

There is power in silence.

There is power in simply being.

When we interrupt someone's experience with our own discomfort or the need to make things better, we may unintentionally rob them of the opportunity to understand themselves more deeply. We deny them the clarity that can come from just being with pain, confusion, or anger.

This applies not just to sadness, but also to conflict. When someone is yelling, venting, or expressing anger, we feel the urge to defend ourselves, to correct them, to interrupt. But sometimes, all they need is to be heard. To speak and be seen, without resistance.

Why We Try to Fix Things?

Yes, it might be messy.

Yes, it might be uncomfortable.

But this isn’t about passivity. It’s about deep respect. It’s about not rushing to change someone’s state just so we feel better.

You might feel uneasy watching someone sit with sadness or rage. You might feel pulled to make things better. But ask yourself: Are you doing that for them or for you?

Sometimes we try to fix others because we can’t bear our own discomfort in their pain.

A New Approach to Support

What would happen if we allowed them to be with what is?

What would happen if we said:

"I see you're hurting. I'm here. Let's just sit quietly with this."

Not everything needs to be solved in the moment. There is healing in stillness. There is compassion in presence. There is love in allowing.

Be There, Without the Fix

So the next time someone is hurting, try something radical:

Don't fix them.

Don't advise them.

Just be there.

Let them cry. Let them rage. Let them feel. Most of all let them BE.